Pleasure giver, pleasure receiver

A key tenet of tantra is the idea that one person is the pleasure giver and one person is the pleasure receiver. This allows for the pleasure receiver to fully submit to the experience and achieve heightened sensation and relaxation. By enabling the receiver to be completely self-focused it takes away the performative pressure of the sexual experience which can impact the experience of sexual pleasure and orgasm. Having dedicated roles in the tantra experience enables each person to fully attend to their role without the distraction of providing mutual pleasure. While tantra is typically a one-way exchange of pleasure, the pleasure giver experiences fulfilment in fully attending to the needs of the other person and in bringing about their pleasure as well as connecting on a deep energetic and spiritual level.

Slow and sensual

Tantra is not a rushed experience. That’s why a typical tantra session is 2-3 hours in length, but at a minimum 1.5 hours. Shorter tantra sessions can be achieved by an experienced practitioner, but to get to the deep level of relaxation required to get the full benefit of the tantra experience, longer sessions are needed. Tantra massage is always a slow and sensual experience, with few fast or firm movements as is common with traditional massage styles.

Whole body experience

Tantra massage is a whole-body massage which will include massage of areas that may not be covered by a traditional massage (e.g. arms and hands, feet, scalp, inner thigh, breasts and genitals). While traditional massage tends to focus on one part of the body at a time, a tantra massage may flow from the upper body right down to the feet and back again. The techniques feel very much like waves, creating a crescendo of sexual pleasure for heightened sensation towards the end of the session.

Energetic and spiritual

All tantra massages should include either or both an energetic or spiritual component. Each practitioner will do this in a different way.

Spiritual practices could include:

• An affirmation or acknowledgement of self and space at the start of the session

• A tea or incense burning ceremony

• Intimacy practices such as hand holding, eye gazing or touch (hug) therapy

• The practitioner imparting wisdom about their own sacred sexuality and helping you to evolve your own spiritual sexuality

Energetic components could include:

• Working with the body’s energy centres or chakras – there are 7 which correspond to different physical and emotional centres (crown, third eye, throat, heart, solar plexus, sacral, and root).

• Interacting and working with your sexual energies – this involves the practitioner being able to feel, see and manipulate your energy field. The body’s energy field extends about an arms length out from your body and sensitive people can interact with it in different ways through their senses. The practitioner will take your sexual energies into their body and their own energetic field, manipulate it (with positive energies) and send them back into your body in a wave like exchange. From your perspective it would feel deeply relaxing and calming, or you might feel a tingling or pins and needles sensation. Some people also experience it as heat.  

• The practitioner sending loving and healing energies into your body

Healing practice

What distinguishes tantra massage from other erotic massages is that there is a healing practice component. Some forms of tantra are more focused on this healing element than others, such as lingam and yoni massage. Tantra can be a very successful way of overcoming past trauma, negative sexual attitudes and belief systems and improving overall sexual wellness. Some of the common issues that tantra massage can help with include: premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, inability to achieve orgasm, lack of sexual pleasure or sensation, recovery from sexual trauma or abuse and recovery from negative sexual upbringing.